


Preserved Heartache

by DawnsEternalLight



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But Dick is there to help him through it, Canonical Character Death, Gen, cannon past death, death reference, it would be sad, what if Damian saw his death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9116077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnsEternalLight/pseuds/DawnsEternalLight
Summary: As Batman Bruce likes to keep everything he sees recorded. That includes the death of his children. It was only a matter of time before Damian saw the video of his own death.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm giving super special thanks to CrimeAlley1048 (also known as oh-mother-of-darkness on Tumblr) for her original head cannon about Damian and Jason having seen their own deaths.

Dick was back early. He smiled to himself at being able to surprise Damian. He knew the kid had been left on his own most of the day, with Bruce off training and Alfred taking a very rare day off. He hummed to himself as he took the steps down to the cave two at a time, because where else would his baby brother be if not training?

He remembered when he was Robin. Young, eager, a lot like Damian was, and a lot not like Damian. The one thing that never changed was the desire to have the Batcave to oneself. There was an air about the cave that drew Dick even as old as he was. He’d seen so much in there, and had more memories than he needed in the cave, and still there was something about it that made him wander down there when everything else was quiet. He knew from experience the same was true for Damian. While they’d been Batman and Robin together he’d found his brother there more often than not when looking for him.

He had a feeling he’d find Damian practicing. He also knew the interruption would be welcome. Dick wasn’t supposed to be back from a mission with Tiger yet. The surprise would offset any irritation Damian had at losing his alone time.

When he stepped into the cave at last he didn’t see anyone, the practice area was neat, with everything in order. He wasn’t too worried as he started towards the computer, his brother had taken to playing games on it, citing the huge screen as perfect for seeing all the details. Bruce hadn’t been of the same opinion.

The telltale sounds of battle played through a speaker reached Dick before he saw Damian, eyes locked on the screen in front of him. It took Dick a second to realize what was playing on the computer, to recognize the face of Heretic taking up the screen before him. When he did his feet were moving before his mouth was.

“No. Don’t look.” His words were breathless as he threw a hand over Damian’s eyes his other wrapping around his brother’s chest to pull him close. Damian let him, his body stiff but unresisting. Dick couldn’t look away from the screen as he watched his brother, the same one in his arms, take arrow after arrow and still keep going.

Dick’s grip tightened as his baby brother was slammed against a wall, his chest heaved as Damian cried out for his mother one final time, and Dick felt his knees buckle the moment the sword pierced his brother’s chest. He stayed standing, despite the jelly his legs had become. His eyes not leaving the screen as he watched Bruce charge in. Then his own figure waking, the look of disbelief, horror, and heartbreak on his own face before the footage cut off and started again starting with Damian’s initial entrance.

The boy in his arms shifted and Dick’s hand flashed out away from his brother’s chest to smack the screen off his breath coming in rapid bursts.

“I saw it.” Damian said. His tone was hollow, empty. As if he were trying to tell Dick it was ok, that seeing his own death was ok.

Something like anger bloomed then, billowing out from the shocked beating of his heart to fill his chest in hot burning lines. Damian shouldn’t have to be ok with seeing his death. He shouldn’t have seen his own death in the first place. Dick’s arm around Damian tightened, his brother never should have died.

But he had. He’d died and Dick hadn’t been able to stop it, just like he hadn’t been able to stop Damian from watching that video. How long must it have been on loop? How many times had his baby brother watched that sword pierce his own chest.

Dick himself could feel the blade just watching the video. He was sure Damian had felt it, every time it played on the screen. His hand unconsciously slipped towards Damian’s heart. The boy shifted, a hand going to pull Dick’s hand from his eyes.

“Grayson?” The word was quiet, a whisper.

Dick couldn’t answer. His anger had frozen him, mixing with grief as strong as it was the day Damian had died. He knew Damian was safe, in his arms. And yet it was like the screen had never shut off. As if he’d never left the tower that rainy night. As if he were still seeing his baby brother fallen, broken, gone.

“Grayson!” Sharp with worry this time Damian’s tone broke the spell and Dick let himself breathe.

“Sorry.” He wanted to hit himself for apologizing. “Are you ok?” Obviously not, but the words were a natural response.

“I’m fine.” He wasn’t. Dick could hear it in Damian’s voice. His brother was good at fooling most people, but they’d been partners, and Dick could always tell when he was lying.

He turned his brother in his arms, still keeping him close and knelt before him, his eyes locking onto Damian’s face. The face that was dark and flushed with life. The eyes that darted away from his own in an attempt to hide the feelings Dick knew he was struggling to bottle up.

“No. You’re not.” He said trying and failing to keep the anger out of his voice. He couldn’t quench it, he was furious. Furious at the cave, at Bruce, at Talia, but most of all at himself. If only he’d been a little faster coming down. If only he’d been a little more careful during the fight with the Heretic. If only if only, none of it helped.

At his words, Damian flinched. It was tiny, and as controlled as the boy could manage, but still there. “Then why did you ask?” He asked, the words clipped.

 _Because I’m worried_. Dick wanted to say. “Where did you find that video?” He asked instead.

“Father’s files. I was looking for information for a case. It was under recently viewed.”

Dick didn’t even want to _think_ about why Bruce would have been watching that video. It ticked him off that Bruce even had the thing anymore, let alone that he watched it on any kind of a regular basis. What good could it do?

“And you thought it was a good idea to watch it?” The words weren’t exactly directed at Damian, more at Bruce but Bruce wasn’t there and Damian took the brunt of Dick’s irritation.

Dick thought his brother would be defensive, or snap anger back at Dick. Instead he seemed to curl in on himself, his head turning to glance at the black screen.

“I was curious.” The words were soft, tentative, as if Damian were afraid they’d make Dick more angry.

He swallowed. He had to get a handle on his anger. He wasn’t mad at Damian, and his mood was coming dangerously close to convincing the boy that he was. “Sorry.” Dick said as if all he could do was apologize. “I’m so sorry.”

He wanted to say the words a hundred times. He was sorry. For letting Damian die. For not telling him he was alive when he came back. For allowing that video to exist. For letting Damian see it. For a hundred other things he had no control over.

His brother bit his bottom lip, his shoulders tense under Dick’s hands. His face still turned to the computer screen like it was about to come back to life and play his death again. Dick’s heart broke. They’d been talking for what felt like ages and all he’d done is snap at Damian.

He pulled Damian to him in a hug. “I’m sorry.” He said again sounding like a broken record. “You never should have seen that.”

It took a moment before Damian wrapped his arms around Dick and sank into the hug, his face pressed to Dick’s chest. There were no tears as far as he could tell, just the tight hug that said don’t let go. Dick tightened his own grip and let them both sink to the ground, pulling Damian into his lap in the process. He rubbed his baby brother’s back and pressed his face into his hair and let himself feel Damian’s warmth, sure that Damian was doing the same with his ear pressed against Dick’s chest just above his heart.

“It’s ok.” He said, his voice hoarse with tears. “You’re ok. You’re fine.”

Damian pressed closer to him, and Dick could feel his brother’s chest hitch. “I wanted to know. I shouldn’t have. But I did. What does that make me?”

“Human.” Dick said. “It makes you human. It’s ok to be curious, even if it hurts.” He had no idea if his words were helping. He wished Jason was there. Jason would know what to say, how to make Damian feel better about seeing his own death. He knew for a fact that Jason had seen his own. The other man had let it slip one time.

Dick should have known then that Bruce would have kept a file for Damian. He should have done something about it then. He decided that the moment he was sure Damian was fine he’d destroy Bruce’s copy. He’d ask Bab’s to help him make sure it was wiped completely. That way Damian would never have to see it again.

“I’m sorry.” Damian’s voice was muffled into Dick’s chest.

He didn’t try to hide his surprise as he asked. “Why?”

“You’re face. On the video.” Damian answered and Dick’s heart fell. Hadn’t he made it clear to Damian how much it wasn’t his fault? How much Dick didn’t blame him for dying?

“Don’t apologize for that. Don’t.” He said. “I should be apologizing to you. I never should have let you stay during that fight.”

“I wouldn’t have listened.”

Dick pressed a kiss into Damian’s hair. “I know.”

Damian pulled back so he could look up at Dick. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For this.” Dick knew those two words carried so much more. For caring, being heartbroken at his death, being happy to see him alive, and for getting angry when he had to go through it again.

“Always. Now what do you say we head upstairs. I can make us some cocoa and we can watch something until B gets back. Your pick.” Dick said scooping Damian into his arms and standing. If he knew anything, it was that he didn’t want Damian dwelling on the video. It was in the past. His brother was alive, and that’s what mattered. He would make sure Damian focused on that instead.

For once his brother didn’t struggle against his coddling, instead he curled closer to Dick as the older man started for the elevator.

When they reached the elevator up Dick felt him shift again and say, “I love you, Grayson.”

Dick smiled and hit the button to head back up. “I love you too Little D.”


End file.
